Phantom

People like to ask me if I have phantom foot pains. I was curious if I would too. The answer is Yes. All the time. It is an interesting feeling.  It is like a really mild tingling like my whole foot is constantly asleep. It could be an annoying feeling if I let it. Who likes to feel like their foot is asleep all the time? So I just put it out of my mind. My kids think it is fun to push on the end of my stumpy leg. Depending on where you push determines which toe I feel. It is weird.
I am doing okay with my prosthetic. I walked all last week and this week without using any help. By about 5pm my leg is super sore and my limp gets worse. I have been trying to keep it on until bed time. Or at least 8pm or so. Some mornings it is swollen and really sore. Some mornings I walk alright right away. I'm trying to find out what makes it tick.I will say though that I am still so very greatful to have a leg. I can't imagine living a hundred years ago and using a wooden leg I carved out of a tree branch. I am very blessed!

My little Cowboy

Ben started going to horse riding therapy a couple of weeks ago. It is a bit of a drive and I was able to drive him all by myself yesterday. It felt so good. He is really loving riding the horses. The program is specific for special needs children. It helps the kids with balance and strengthening their core muscles. Along with that they get all the sights, sounds, and touch that goes long with spending time with the horse. When the lesson is finished the instructors help him get some carrots and feed his horse. This week he even was brave enough to pet the horse. He kept pointing all over the place where he wanted the horse to go. It was very cute.

The Eyes have it

I had my eye exam today. I have never had my eyes checked before. It was really hard to keep my eyes open when he was shinning the light in them. Boy was that bright. The good news is that the structure of my eyes are great. There was no adverse effect to them from the chemo. And the blurred vision I have been having is probably due to the steroids they gave me to take over the course of chemo. So, if I wait a few weeks my vision might improve. If not then I can get some glasses to sharpen up the far stuff I cant read anymore. It was great to have good news!

This is actually Court's eye. I happened to have a pic of hers

Scans and Exams

I had my CT scan yesterday. It was pretty quick. They were just checking my lungs to see if the spots were gone. I don't see my oncologist for another 2 weeks. I am not too anxious about the results. I think Kenneth is more nervous than me.
I am seeing an eye doctor tomorrow. Another side effect from the chemo. My vision is all messed up. It is kind of fuzzy and I have a hard time reading far away. I have never had to wear glasses. Maybe it is time. I will see what the doctor says tomorrow. Then I think I am doctor free finally.

Found: Camera

I found the camera!! Problem is there is no way that I am going to post any of those pictures. Oh my goodness. I look as bad as I felt. The good news is that I have all the pictures for my posterity. But, I found one picture that I will post. It is me coming home from my last day of chemo. My face is pretty puffy. Typical for the week of chemo. I wish I could have an excuse for the rest of my body.

Oh yeah. And remember this is the first day I had my new leg and the first day I stood upright on two feet since October.

Me and Court. I am the puffy one with no hair. But I survived!

I am going to Church

I was so excited to get up and go to church today. I haven't been to church since I started chemo. Either I am too sick to go or my blood counts are too low for me to be around that many people and possible get sick. I have missed going to church so much. It felt wonderful to walk in with my whole family and sit together. And it was great to see so many of my friends. It felt like going home.
I was able to find some shoes that would fit over my fake foot and that had sturdy soles and still looked like acceptable church shoes. And the best part... I walked in without crutches or any other walking assistance.

Hope

I still haven't found my camera to post pictures of my last day of chemo but I want to say it was awesome. Awesome because of how great it felt to have accomplished something this huge for me. Awesome because I actually walked in with my new leg. Every one of the nurses rushed to the door to hug me and I just cried. They were like little chemo angels to me over the past few months. I love and respect each one of them so much. It was really an emotional moment I just can't describe but will hold dear to me forever.
Today I am starting to feel like I really am done. Each day seems like a reality. But I will tell you, this prosthetic leg is not as easy as I thought. Of course I figured I would put it on and immediately start running.
I didn't really wear it until Monday. And as discouraging as it first was I knew that I had to learn how to walk and keep my balance. All I keep thinking of is 'How am I going to pick up Ben and help him with his everyday needs if I can't keep my balance?' So I walked around in the morning and really tried not to think about how sore my stump was getting. Yesterday I got in my car in the drivers seat and practiced moving my leg from pedal to pedal. Then I backed out of the driveway and pulled back in. After many more practice attempts I drove the back roads to Target. I didn't know if I should shout with joy or cry. It was the most amazing feeling!!! I used a cart to steady myself and walked half the store figuring out the movements of my leg. It was the most freeing feeling! It has been a full 5 months since I have driven. Can you imagine not driving for 5 months? It was amazing and gave me hope. Although I may not be running any marathons soon, there is hope that I will be walking and holding my son soon.