By special invite only

After that last post I thought I would go ahead and share this experience.
My youngest child has health struggles and early in his life we were still learning what those where. He often had to be admitted on life support (4 times now) to help him continue to breathe when he couldn't do it on his own. He has had many ambulance rides and even got to go in the fancy helicopter to get him to the hospital. Anyway, this means my husband and I have spent far too many hours in hospitals. On one such stay, before we did the switch off for the other person to go home, we went down to the cafeteria to get some lunch. The cafeteria is in the basement tucked away in the far corner. Just past the cafeteria is a sign reading "Decedent Affairs". I said, "Decadent Affairs?? Wow, that sounds fancy.  You must have to be someone special to eat there." Well this joke has continued through our many years and the trips we have made back to the hospital. It was years later that I was talking to a friend who uses the same hospital and he said, "Don't you think it kind of weird where the cafeteria is located?" I said, "Yeah, it's way down in the basement like a little food dungeon. Maybe we should sneak into Decadent Affairs sometime and see what the VIP's eat." He then replied, "You mean Decedent affairs? As in Deceased. As in the Morgue??" Oh my gosh. What a dork I have been all these years. Well, at least it made for some fun laughs on our previous visits.
The last time I have been down to the cafeteria was the night of my leg surgery. We went down to get a bottled water and as we passed that familiar sign once more I told Ken, "I don't want to be a special guest there." I will wait many years to go in that special room. But I'm pretty sure there is a VIP section reserved for bio hazard waste that my leg has sat at.

Bio hazzard

I have wanted to know what became of my leg once it was detached from my body. Partly because of curiosity and partly because I really to feel a loss without it.It isn't like I lost a toe or something. It was a large piece of me that I will not see again. It is a weird thought to me.  Anyway, I was able to talk to a friend who is in the medical field and had him walk me through the adventure my leg went on after leaving me. Here is what I learned. First, leg was detached and placed in a bio hazard bag where it was carried down to the lab to await biopsy. I wonder what the pathologist thought when opening the bag to remove a leg and foot. I did make sure my toenails were freshly painted and my leg was cleanly shaved. So then after the biopsy my leg ended up with the bio waste and mingled in a pile of tissue, fat, after birth and all sorts of bodily waste. Then an outside company picks up all the waste and takes it to a location where it is most likely incinerated and disposed of. How would you like to have that job. And what kind of person ends up in that line of work? Interesting to think about.
I now finally feel satisfied at the journey my leg has taken. I know it all sounds gross and  quite meaningless to everyone else but me. I don't miss the pain my foot caused me but I do feel incomplete.

I'm keeping my quarters

I was cleaning out the car and found some quarters under the back seat. It reminded me of our fun trip with the kids. It was the first trip my mom has taken with us. We would love for her to come with us more often but because she works full time and because we don't have enough seats in our car, we have not been able to go anywhere all together. Anyway, she came prepared for the long drive. She gave each kid two rolls of quarters and a pencil pouch to keep them in. If they whine, crab, yell, fight, poke each other, or any other annoyance then she takes a quarter back. Whatever they are left with during the trip they can spend on anything they want. It was like magic. We made it all the way to the Utah border before one quarter was taken. It was great. When one would say, "Hey mom, Can we get ________?" I would say, "Sure. You can spend your money on whatever you want." Well, I didn't anticipate that the older kids would realize that the little trinkets weren't worth spending their money on and so they waited for a bigger purchase. The younger child caught on to this and also decided to save her money. It made for some grumpy moments when I was heard saying, "Sure. You can have that. Just grab your money and you can buy it." I then had to tell nana that she couldn't give in to their smiling little faces and sneak them an extra dollar. As a result, they all arrived home with all their money in tact. Never finding that great bigger item worth buying. Crazy kids.

Coming Home

Once a year the there is a day set aside as 'Deaf Day' in the temple. Many Deaf friends from LA to Riverside and sometimes Arizona come to visit and spend the whole day in the temple. I have been fortunate to be an ASL ordinance worker for the past 10 years now. I have not been back to work at the temple in the last year so I was excited to be back among old friends today. Only a few knew of my cancer since many don't live in the immediate area. I can't express how good it felt to be using my hands and signing with old friends. It truly felt like coming home. I love my Deaf friends! There is no guile or false pretenses. Just sincerity and love. I had moment when my "Chemo Brain" caught up with my hands and I stood clueless to what I was just saying, or my hands would freeze while I recalled what sign I was looking for. But all in all, we understood each other. I was glad I didn't lose that part of my life and I am able to still serve in the temple. What a wonderful day it was.

Humble heart

I have made a couple visits as a volunteer to the chemo suite in the last week. I have already met some neat people. It is so humbling. Extremely humbling. I am mostly visiting with the first time patients but have been able to visit with others. I have met one woman who was ready to get on with it and charge through her treatment and I met another woman who was solemn and almost numb with anxiety. I am already learning alot and am sure I will get more out of it than anyone else. The question I was asked most was "How long until I lose my hair?" I have a picture of me with my family right before I was diagnosed as well as a picture of me with no hair and a beanie hat on. I have been able to show off my before and after looks to reassure the patients that their hair will indeed grow back even though it doesn't feel that way when you are in the middle of treatments. And by the way, my crazy new curls are really starting get out of control. As much as I don't care for my short curly hair. I am still thankful to have hair again.

We are Warriors

I was so fortunate to have all my  oncology and chemo care through a medical office in the same city in which I live. I am frequently in that same building going to the primary care doctor for the children or using the pharmacy. I have passed by the Chemo Suite many times in the past few months and I finally stopped in to say hello to my chemo nurses..aka. chemo angels. I know they didn't recognize me at first. I said, "Do I need to be in a wheelchair with a hat on for you to recognize me?" I got hugs all around and had a fun time showing of my new leg. While I was there one of the nurses told me that she recomended me for a new program they were starting that would have a "veteran" patient volunteer once a week to be in the chemo suite to answer questions and be a buddy for the new patients. I have gone through all the training classes and am going to start next week. This will be a great opportunity to encourage other chemo warriors on their fight to live.